Ok, so as you've already read; i'm now asking people to freely contribute anything to my site. Thankfully, someone has taken up that offer. That someone is a Mr James Assinder, who has written a 'thought-provoking' piece on Life. Make what you will from it, and if you feel like it; write a counter-piece or follow-up.
Life…Why?
The man who you have come to know as Quiff first asked me to write this piece
on a cold June afternoon during a heavy revision session for my A-level law
exams. It therefore proved a welcome diversion from the perplexities of manslaughter,
insanity and wives putting axes through their husbands’ heads.
The first problem that I encountered is ‘what shall I write about?’ I considered
an investigative report into Bangor drinking culture, a review of the year
in the quaint village of Llandegfan and a think piece about the complex relationships
that exist between men and women. I ultimately decided that I would grab the
bull by the proverbials and attempt to answer the unanswerable questions that
many people before me have tackled (including the wonders that are Douglas
Adams and the Monty Python crew.) Basically ‘Who are we?’ ‘Why are we here?’
and ‘What is the point of it all?’
This avenue
of discussion recently came up at the particularly enjoyable soiree that you
people out there will probably know as Matty’s party
(see the section with all the party pics in for more on this). The drunken
conversation was held between myself, Ms. Eleanor Tanner (by far the most
intelligent person that anyone in David Hughes’ 2003 6th form has ever met)
and young Mr. Martin Bristow (every photo of him may look exactly the same
but he is a fountain of knowledge on a wide and diverse range of topics.)
For the benefit of you web ‘surfers’ out there who are obviously so bored
or even stoned that you are taking the time to read this drivel, I will attempt
to summarize the conversation. Hopefully then, you will gain an invaluable
insight into why we all grace this planet.
Firstly,
I will briefly cover the religious angle. Many people believe that God made
us all in his image in 6 days or 6 years (apparently, if you read the Bible
correctly.) Bristow and Tanner moved this to one side purely on the basis
that it was far too complicated for three slightly tipsy people at 11:30 on
a particularly cold May evening. We then moved on to things that, looking
retrospectively, made less sense.
Mr. Bristow and Ms. Tanner were, surprisingly enough, in agreement. They were
both of the opinion that there was no real point to life and the only reason
that we populated the Earth was to put our parents through the hell of birth,
have some fun, make some money, meet people, have a few drinks, usual stuff.
Then ultimately we will die, people will be sad but eventually they will get
over it and go back to having fun, making money, etc.
I however,
refused to believe that life was intended to be like one big Beatles song,
getting drunk, smoking pot, promiscuous sex, etc. I am not saying that these
things can not form a basis for enjoyment, I am merely pointing out the fact
that I’m sure if we were created, we surely were not created to watch Eastenders
and then proceed to go out, have a few cans and then ram our tongue down some
strangers throat whilst standing in a vile concoction of bile, vomit and urine
in the back of some seedy nightclub. I pointed out that perhaps there was
some form of higher purpose for our existence. Perhaps we were put on this
earth to achieve something. Perhaps the creators wanted us to build something,
discover something, work something out, maybe even to create a base planet
for some dramatic event that will happen in the year 2014. All of these are
ultimately possible and I personally would have a little more hope for the
future if I knew that there was some reason why I was making the decisions
that I am making, a reason for getting up in the morning and going to bed
at night.
If this has
interested you in any way at all then you are probably wondering what was
concluded through this conversation. Well, all I can tell you is that the
conversation ended when the gentleman, the scholar Daniel Evans walked past
and when asked clearly stated ‘It’s obvious isn’t it, we’re all here to reproduce.’
A satisfactory conclusion? It’ll do until something better comes along.
Addendum
I can’t take
any credit for this addendum, go to Matty Thomas and shower him with praise
and cheap plastic flowers for he has added an opinion worthy of only one word,
genius. It was pointed out to me on Quiff’s birthday celebrations at the magnificent
Glan in Bangor. Matty was sipping on a pint of Grolsch and I was nursing a
bottle of Stella. Matty pointed out to me that if this world had a purpose,
a design or a plan, surely an integral part of that plan would be that we,
as the lackeys carrying it out, never find out what the plan is for fear of
jeopardising the outcome. It would certainly fit with the theories that are
presented in ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’ by Douglas Adams in which
it takes an operative for the guide and a crazy 3-headed alien in order to
convince Arthur Dent that the Earth is a machine created by an architect who
won an award for his work on the fjords intended to work out the question
of life to which the answer is 42. I officially give Matty the status of legend
in the field of philosophical thinking.
Quiffs
Addendum
Having just found out that James has given Matty the status of 'legend', I have to say that his 'theory of purpose' is not actually his theory; but that belonging to a certain Professor Stephen Hawking. Yes, the four-wheeled wonder wrote about this theory in his best-selling book 'A Brief History Of Time'. I know for a fact that Matty has been reading this recently, in an effort to expand his over-inflated ego by saying that he understands all of Hawkings theories. I have therefore given my evidence to show that Matty is less of a 'legend', and more of a die-hard fan of Stephen Hawking. Give me Schrodingers Cat Theory anyday.
If you have
any comments on this, e-mail either myself or Quiff
James [email protected]
Quiff [email protected]